Honestly...

Did you ever had that feeling? Okay let me take back a couple of steps before we end up at this specific question.

So imagine: you're on a boat crossing the small ocean in between Tasmania and the Australian mainland and you just watched a movie that turned out to be better than you expected when you were reading the description. The movie was about love, music, fate, the acting was moderate but good enough to not extract you from the message. Oh almost forgot about that, you only had 2 hours of sleep, you are sitting right under a air-condition machine which is producing antarctic temperatures and your candy cotton coloured, fluffy blanket is just to small to protect you from that. Also you kinda miss certain important people and you're feeling a little bit melodramatic. Although I want to argue that this feeling is good from time to time because it makes you think about stuff, for the cause of this blog we leave that point out of it for now.

So back to the question: did you ever had that feeling?

Well if "no", start doubting if you're human. I mean come one! It does not have to be this specific situation/feeling, but at least admit you had something alike! If "maybe", start learning to cope with your deeper feelings or find friends that points these out to you. And if yes, which I hope is the answer for you, I have a thingy I want to ask you.

Do you in that particular moment, having that particular feeling, also want to write a song, want to write a book, want to start slam poetry, want to become a really good and sensitive actor or write a blog?

To be honest, your answer to this question is probably "no". And if it is "yes", we are probably already friends who do drinks often and talk about this kind of shit. Or I really have to meet you so we can do drinks often and talk about this kind of shit.

But yea. I just had that feeling. With everything attached to it.

So step one, I tried to write a song. And I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I tried that more often. I even sang a song of my own in front of an audience including by best friends and parents. And strangers. No kidding. It was at my practical music exam, 6th grade of high school. And we kinda sucked. I heard the song in my head and sang it kinda good, problem was that the beat in my head was slightly slower than the beat my classmates played. Bummer! Awkward? Actually not. As you can see I'm quite comfortable showing myself in front of others. Like, my thoughts, feelings and even weird thoughts. I mean, why not. Were human, let's just show it instead of only pretend that our life is one big stream of Instagram pictures with sunsets, coastlines, skylines, food (like a lot. I do it as well. I really don't know why. Food on a plate or in a bowl especially self made just looks so damn good) or Indonesian temples (or any other cultural thingy somewhere on the world) with snappy hash tags and inspirational quotes.

So yea I tried to write a song, again. Something about happiness. The bright side, the dark side and then a bridge in which the singer finds out happiness is not something that is, because it is in everything and you just have to see it. Or better, you have to be willing to see it. Yea, wrote that. One problem, I can't think in music notes. So its only text.

And then I thought. Wait! Only text, maybe I should write a poem? Long story short, I didn't do that. I mean, poetry is sophisticated and stuff. When you get it, it is hauntingly beautiful I guess (I never really got it). But in the end I'm not really a hidden meaning kind of guy.

I rather write it down as it is. Or as I feel or think it.

Do I though? Maybe not. Maybe I want to be that guy, but I'm really struggling getting there. Maybe I always want things to look better. And even when I admit a situation is not "better" or "okay" I'll always try to stay positive. Yea, that sounds more like me. Well, I guess we all keep learning. Here is my first try. Let's rephrase:

I want to be that guy that rather writes it done or says it at is is or as he thinks it. Nice, new thing. Check!

So, I decided to go for a blog. Because where can you better try to do a new thing than in an old and comfortable feeling concept. I'm gonna just type what I feel and think. Or actually I'm already doing that. Just to let it go, to share, fack it, maybe even to inspire. Who knows?! And okay, I'll admit. As a political and especially a communicational science graduate I also secretly hope that one of my writings will be picked up by someone who has, as they say, the right network. I have to admit you start to think about things like this at my age. There is something like a future you know.

So yea. Long story short the sea is still rushing by. I think we are exactly in the middle of the small ocean, because I just lost connection. For some reason although the blanket is still to small (would be weird if it was bigger now. I would have been lying then earlier on) I'm feeling warmer now.. And despite the fact that I still miss all those important people that are currently not around me, I can now think about the fact that I will see them again soon and in the meantime will enjoy my travels. Only thing is, I'm still tired. That feeling doesn't go away. I'll accept that.

God damn, I did it! Being honest, just writing stuff down and get a happy or even satisfied feeling from that. You really find it in those God damn small things when you try to see it.

Let's read that song again and make some adjustments. A new verse mayne about writing this blog. Can be that someone will pick it up. Hopefully I can play it with a better band than this time.

Or shal I just learn the right rhythm? Neh, it's the band's fault, it's never me. See, being honest again...